first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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