The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
