My first STD was from a foam party
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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