I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
