I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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