she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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