i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
