I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
