She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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