If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
