i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
