Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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