does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Everything about him screamed your future.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
