saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
