Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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