the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just gargled with NyQuil
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
