I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
