I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
