I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
