You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
