All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
