You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
