Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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