turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
