I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
