Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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