the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
