someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
