omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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