So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
