My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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