I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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