Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
