omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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