I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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