Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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