goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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