The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
