I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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