He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
