You just made me feel so damn special
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
