Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
