Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
