Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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