i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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