I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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