I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
