How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
