is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
