If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
